The Christmas Wish
by PSUbrat
Summary: Both Buffy and Dawn make a wish on the Christmas star...neither realizing that their wish possibly could come true - response to Live Journal BtVSSanta community project


Title: The Christmas Wish  
Author: PSUbrat  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon and any other large conglomerate that he sells them to; I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
Spoilers: Everything in the Buffyverse up to and including the episode "Destiny" of AtS season 5.  
Feedback:  Yes please, that would be great! (_brat @ psubrat.net_)

The Christmas Wish

The London night was crisp and clear as the small group walked home from their last minute Christmas shopping spree. It was Christmas Eve and Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Giles had gone out to do a little gift purchasing, leaving Buffy back at the house by herself to give her some well deserved alone time. This was going to be the best Christmas for all of them in very long time. There were no monsters to fight, no impending apocalypse to prepare for and no worrying about cranky teenaged girls fighting over one bathroom. 

Yeah, this year was definitely going to be the best, except for one small problem: Buffy. She wasn't a problem, not really; it was just that this holiday seemed to be especially hard for her because of Spike's death. It had taken her weeks, almost months before she had told them how she had really felt about the platinum blond vamp, but her admission that she had been in love with him hadn't come as a surprise to anyone. They had all seen how the two of them had acted around one another in the weeks leading up to the final battle, how protective of him she had been and how he had stood up for her when the others had turned their backs. So now they were trying to be there for her and doing everything possible to keep her mind off him, but it seemed that the harder they tried, the worse she felt.

"I wish Buffy had come along with us," Dawn said, concern and sadness evident in her voice.

Willow put her arm around the girl and gave her a squeeze. "She's gonna be okay, Dawnie, I promise. She just needed some time alone."

"Yeah," Xander agreed, tousling Dawn's hair, "I'm sure tomorrow morning she'll be good as new. You'll see." He didn't think so, but there was no way he was going to tell Dawn that. "Right Giles?"

"Yes, quite. Buffy will be fine." He had to wonder though, would she really be okay? For months after Sunnydale's demise and Spike's death, she had gone on with her life. Or had she just been going through the motions like she had after Willow brought her back? No, she had been living and laughing and happier than he had seen her in a very long time, but sadness remained in her eyes despite all of that. It seemed that he had been the only one to really see it, except for maybe Dawn. True, they had all lost someone near and dear to them over the past seven years, but Buffy had lost the most, and his heart ached for her. If there were some way he could take the pain away and make it better for her, he would, in a heartbeat.

"I hope so," the young girl stated. "I miss Spike too. He made her happy at the end."

"We all miss him, Dawnie," Willow said, still walking with her arm around Dawn, trying to comfort and reassure her surrogate sister.

"Well, not all of us," Xander started, but stopped after getting a scathing look from Willow. "Okay, so I do miss him."

"You're just saying that 'cause Willow gave you the mad look," Dawn lamented. "You never liked him."

Xander shrugged. "He wasn't my favorite person, that's true, but I kinda miss his smart-assed comments."

"I think there are parts of Spike that we all miss," Giles stated, trying his best to join in the conversation.

"Yeah? Even though you tried to have Robin kill him?" Dawn asked. After seeing the surprised look on Giles' face, she continued, "Yeah, I know all about that. Kinda good you guys didn't succeed, huh? Seeing as how he saved the world and all."

"Yes, I suppose it is," Giles agreed.

"What do you miss about him?"

Good question, Giles thought. After a few moments pause, he answered. "Well, I suppose I miss his uncanny ability to get under my skin."

They all laughed because of how true the statement was. Spike had the ability to effectively get under everyone's skin in different ways – push their buttons in just the right way.

Dawn smiled. This was nice, talking about Spike without having to worry about Buffy getting that look on her face and excusing herself from the room. "What about you Will? What do you miss?"

"I miss his kindness and support. Don't look at me that way Xander. Spike was very sympathetic after he found out about Tara. He liked her a lot. Sometimes we'd sit out on the back porch and talk about her. It was very sweet. What about you, Dawnie, what do you miss most about him?"

Dawn's eyes welled up with tears and her throat grew tight. "I miss his friendship. I was so angry with him for what he did to Buffy, and then that he left, that I didn't let him get close again after Buffy rescued him from the First. We used to be best friends. There was no one else that understood me the way he did and I really miss that. I miss him." She was crying now, hard. The tears were spilling freely down her face, leaving streaks in their wake.

They stopped walking and Willow gave her a hug while Giles and Xander looked around uncomfortably, shifting the bags filled with their purchases in their hands.

"Hey," Xander said after a few minutes, noticing that they had stopped in front of a pub. "Why don't we grab some dinner before we go home? I'm sure Buffy won't mind if we're out a little longer." Basically he was starving and his arms hurt from carrying around the bags for the last couple hours.

"Excellent idea," Giles replied. "I could certainly use a pint." Or two, he thought to himself. All this talk of Spike had stirred feelings of guilt that he'd much rather have stilled.

"Oh! I could go for some food. How about you, Dawnie?" Willow asked, still rubbing the girl's back.

Between sniffles, she nodded her head in agreement. As they were about to walk into the pub, she looked up and saw the brightest star in the sky, twinkling down at her. "Look," she said, lifting her gloved hand pointing to it. "The Christmas Star! Isn't it beautiful?"

"It is," Willow said with a smile.

"Aren't you supposed to make a wish on it?" Xander asked. "I'm not really sure how it goes since most of my Christmases were spent in the backyard in a sleeping bag trying to avoid my family."

Dawn looked back up in the sky, found the star again and then closed her eyes, making her wish.

"What did you wish for?" Willow asked.

Dawn just smiled. "Not telling, otherwise it won't come true." Not that it ever could, but it was what her heart wanted.

"Speaking of wishes," Willow said as they walked into the pub, "how are you holding up, Xander?"

"I'm doing okay," he replied as they disappeared behind the door.

* * *

Buffy sat on the sofa in the lounge room, the only light coming from the alternating blue, green, red and orange lights from the tree, which cast a soft glow upon her face. She sat staring at the tree and listening to Mariah Carey's 'All I Want for Christmas is You,' depression and loneliness coating her like a heavy woolen blanket. Shaking her head, she realized how appropriate it was that this particular song was now playing on the radio. She didn't know why she was torturing herself like this. She should have gone out with Dawn and her friends; shopping always made her feel better and now that she had money again, it definitely would have healed a few wounds. Instead, she chose to stay here, alone with her thoughts, obsessing over the fact that he was gone, long gone, and that she was left with a hole in her heart the size of the crater that used to be Sunnydale. She felt like screaming, but all that came out were choked sobs.

Closing her eyes, she leaned into the sofa's cushions, letting the tears flow as she remembered his face, the sound of his voice and the feel of his touch on her skin. He died saving the world so that she could live. It was the greatest gift he ever could have given her, and he gave it so freely. If only she had realized before that moment that she was in love with him, things would have been so different. She had tried to convey in the last three words she ever said to him, how much she truly loved him, but he hadn't believed her. She would have stayed to argue the point except for the fact that Spike was insistent on her leaving, so that she could continue living. 

So one of us is living. 

The memory of him singing to her reverberated through her mind, making her tears come faster and harder. He had saved her that night too, from Sweet and from burning to death. He had saved her.

Every night I save you…

She couldn't take it anymore. The voice. His voice, in her head, the loving sound of his voice, so filled with hope and lust and…God, she had to stop this! She needed to stop driving herself insane with loss. He was gone. Forever gone.

Slowly she stood up and wandered over to the window. Pulling the curtains aside, she looked out into the night. Since the sky was clear and full of stars, she wondered where the snow was that had been forecast. They were supposed to have a white Christmas, or something close to it. It wouldn't be her first though, despite the fact that she used to live in southern California, because the Powers That Be had given them one years ago, when they had saved Angel from taking a walk in the sun. Angel. That seemed like a lifetime ago. She wondered what he was up to tonight, not because she missed him or was still in love with him, but because he had been such an important part of her life. Sighing, she looked back up into the sky, noticing for the first time the brilliance of one star.

"The Christmas star," she whispered. It brought a smile to her lips. Every year at Christmas, her mom would read the Christmas Story to her and Dawn as they sat around the living room drinking hot cocoa. And every year after Mom was done, they would go out into the front yard and try to locate the star. Sometimes they would find it and squeal with glee, but not until each of them had made their wish. Suddenly she missed her mom too and a fresh bout of heartache began. She wondered if Spike was keeping her mom company now. She could almost picture the two of them sitting around drinking cocoa with little marshmallows and talking about life or about her. It made her feel a little better to think that two people she loved dearly were taking care of each other and watching over her. With a swell of emotions, she looked up at the Christmas star and made her wish, for old time's sake.

The ringing phone made her jump, bringing her out of her thoughts. Quickly she crossed the room to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Buffy? It's Angel."

"Angel, hi. How are you?" He was the last person she expected to hear from tonight.

"I'm good. I uh, just wanted to call and wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Thanks. You too." She paused and waited for him to tell her his real reason for calling.

"Buffy, there's something else…"

"Yeah, I sorta figured that out seeing as how this is the first time in five years that you've called just to wish me Merry Christmas."

"Really? I'm sure that I must have called before…"

"No."

"No? Oh, well, I uh, anyway. I thought I should call you to tell you…you know, I really don't know how to say this…"

She frowned. Something was definitely wrong and her earlier mood was causing her to grow impatient. "Angel, just say it already. Can't be that bad."

"It's just that, I guess I should have called you earlier about this, but it was all too weird and I…

There was a knock at the door. "Angel, hold that thought. There's someone at the door."

"Buffy wait!" Angel insisted, trying to get her attention before she ended their conversation.

But she didn't hear him as she put the phone down on the table and walked into the foyer to answer the door. She figured it was probably one of the girls or Andrew coming over to drop off some gifts. As she opened the door, her breath caught in her chest. "Oh my god."

* * *

Buffy stood in the foyer, holding the door open. The cold winter air was blowing in and making her shiver, but was it the wind that made her shiver or the person that was standing in her doorway? Her eyes were playing tricks on her. They had to be. There was no other explanation for what she was seeing. Perhaps it was the lighting, or lack there of, after all, the foyer was dark and the only light available was from the street lamp outside.

"S-Spike?" she asked incredulously after finding her breath again, not wanting to believe for a moment that it was him.

He stood there, not moving, just staring at her. It took him just as long to find his voice as it had for Buffy to find hers. "It's me, Luv. In the flesh."

For several minutes silence filled the air, neither of them moving. Finally, Spike cleared his throat. "For as much as I enjoy standing here watching you, somehow I don't think you catching a cold was in the plans for this Christmas."

"Huh?"

"You have to invite me in, Luv. Still a vampire."

Buffy's brow knitted in bewilderment. Of course he was still a vampire, why would he be anything else? "Sorry. Uhm, come in." She took a couple of shaky steps back from the door, giving him room to enter. It wasn't until he closed the door and turned back to her that she allowed herself to reach out and touch him, to make sure he was real and not a figment of her imagination. "It's…It's really you, but…how?" Slowly, she retracted her arm and held it close to her body. This just couldn't be.

"It's a long story, Luv, but I'm here. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you again."

The look on his face, the love in his eyes, all for her, was just too much. The tears that were threatening to spill again finally broke free of the damn and began slipping down her cheeks. Taking the leap of faith, she threw herself into his arms and began sobbing. "I can't believe you're real," she croaked between sobs. "I can't believe you're here."

He held her as close to him as he could with one arm while stroking her hair and back with his other, shushing her and telling her that everything was all right. "I'm really here," he said as he buried his face in her hair and breathed deeply, inhaling the scent that was so unique to his Slayer. His Buffy. 

She clung to him, nestling her face into his neck. He was still cool to the touch, like she remembered him. It was all just as she remembered. "Is this a dream?" She asked in a whisper.

"No dream, Pet. It's me," he assured her, maneuvering them so that he could look into her eyes. Absently he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and then wiped away a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb.

She was lost in his eyes. They were still so blue, the color of the depths of the ocean, an ocean she was drowning in. Before her mind could react, she crushed her mouth to his in a needy kiss.

He immediately responded, kissing her back with all the love and passion that had been pent up since he'd become corporeal again. This was better than he had ever dared to hope, especially after Angel had said that Buffy had never loved him. Spike had believed him. Never again would he listen to a word that ponce said because he could feel the love she felt for him, radiating off her body and warming his soul.

Needing him more by the moment but also needing air, she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his. "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Buffy." He brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "You're the only bloody thing I've been able to think about since I came back. Every minute of every bleeding day I've thought about this moment."

She smiled in response and then took his hand and led him into the lounge room. The soft glow of the Christmas lights made the room look warm and comforting. Without another word, she kissed him again, slowly pushing the duster off his shoulders and onto the floor. Her hands slipped beneath his shirt as she began to explore him, trying to make sure that everything was still as it should be.

He shuddered at her touch, moaning softly in response to her butterfly kisses on his neck. He could feel her tremble as his hands began their own exploration, slowly working their way down to her breasts where he could feel the hard pebbles of her nipples poking through her sweater. As soon as his hand slid beneath her sweater and began kneading her breast, he felt her body quiver in response. That's when he reached around with his free hand and undid her bra, freeing flesh for his touch. 

Soon their mouths found one another again, her lips parting, inviting him in. He obliged, his tongue caressing hers while their hands continued their wanting and needing. Clothing became a hindrance and was quickly discarded, she ripping his t-shirt in half and he pulling her sweater over her head and arms, throwing it to the side. As their kissing deepened, they sunk to the floor in front of the fire.

She lay on her back, relieved that she no longer had to support herself. The shock of his being there and then the searing touch of his hands and kisses had made her weak. Giddiness and need swept through her, making her body shudder. As she felt him leave a trail of kisses from her neck down to her breasts, she closed her eyes and lost herself in the moment. It felt as if every synapse in her body was firing as his roving hands and mouth continued to explore her body.

Hungrily he took one pert nipple into his mouth, running his tongue over it and nipping at it with his blunt teeth. She squirmed beneath him, urging him on. Not to play favorites, he then moved over to the other breast, using the same ministrations on that one so as to make her body ache more with need.

She needed him. Wanted him. Not like before, to make her feel alive. She wanted him to make love to her, to prove that this wasn't some blissful dream her mind was creating so she could avoid the pain. So many emotions and sensations, making her feel as though she was going to explode at any moment. She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, the same soft hair that she had touched the night before he had died. This was her Spike. No one else could possibly know her the way he did, the way his mouth did.

Deftly, he removed her jeans and underpants while never breaking contact between his mouth and her flesh. Slowly he moved down her body, the scent of her arousal making him heady in anticipation. Soon he was nipping and licking in her most private and sensual areas, making her moan and her hips buck up. He knew she was close to the edge, a few more minutes of this and he'd have her screaming.

"Spike," she whimpered. "Please. I need you. Now."

The sound of her voice, the pleading tone, did him in. He was lost in her, would do anything for her. Anything. In response to her demands, he quickly shed his jeans and positioned himself above her, barely pushing at the folds to her opening. Before he continued, he looked into her eyes. "I love you, Buffy."

She brought her hand up to his cheek and caressed it, while meeting his gaze. "I love you too, Spike. I'm sorry I said it too late."

"Never too late, Pet," he said as he turned into the caress, closing his eyes and savoring the feel of her touch and reveling in her words. "I'm proof of that."

Nodding, she closed her eyes and made the request that she had been dreaming about for months. "Make love to me, Spike. Please."

He kissed her deeply as he penetrated her, slowly pushing his way in. She was so slick and felt so good that he had to fight himself for control. "Buffy," he gasped as she tightened her muscles around his length. If she kept that up, there was no way he'd be able to continue this much longer.

"Spike," she groaned as she repositioned herself, wrapping her legs around his waist and locking her feet so that it was easier for him to bury into her. She wanted all of him inside of her, filling her.

He stroked her deeply and slowly as she clung to him, grunting in pleasure with each thrust. His crystal blue eyes locked onto her hazel ones, willing her to see, to understand, the depths of his love for her. There was nothing more perfect than this moment.

Their rhythm quickened, and Buffy soon found herself gasping for breath and her body shuddering as wave after wave of her orgasm crashed through her. She held onto him tightly as she came, calling his name over and over, wanting this moment to never end for fear of waking up and finding it all to be just another of her dreams.

As soon as her felt her muscles flutter around him and he heard her calling his name, he could no longer fight his release. Almost immediately after her orgasm peaked, his tempo increased, faster and faster until his movement exploded into a crescendo of shudders and moans. His mouth then found hers and he poured everything he had left into a bruising kiss.

* * *

Once they came up for air and the humming of their bodies diminished, Spike grabbed the blanket from the sofa and covered them both as he spooned against her. "Remember when I told you that holding you was the best night of my life?" He asked her as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Yeah," she said, smiling and turning towards him. "I remember everything you said that night."

"Well, I'd have to say that this was the bloody best night of my life. No doubt."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to tell you what you needed to hear, not in time anyway."

"It's okay, Luv, the fact that you say it now is enough," he said, giving her bare shoulder a kiss.

She smiled at him. "You are going to tell me how you got here, aren't you?"

"Suppose, I should, eh?" He asked as he traced circles on her arm.

"That would be of the good. I'd like to know exactly who I have to thank for my Christmas wish."

Spike looked at her with wonder, his sapphire eyes shining brightly. "You wished for me?"

"I did," she replied quietly, her eyes darting away in a rare moment of shyness. "I saw the Christmas star, made my wish and there you were at my door."

"You don't say?" He was reeling from her confession. The fact that she wished for him to be there with her was definitely so much better than what he had envisioned, better than what he ever dared to hope.

She caressed his cheek, drowning herself in his presence. "Well, first the phone rang and it was Angel…" She sat bolt upright, remembering that she had left the phone off the hook. "Oh no."

"What is it?" he asked, sitting up next to her and placing a hand on her back. "What's wrong?"

She started giggling, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as the giggles threatened to turn into guffaws. "I'm sorry," she finally said after calming down. "I, I left the phone off the hook when I went to answer the door."

Spike's eyebrows shot up in surprise and understanding. He looked over to where her gaze was resting and sure enough, the receiver lay next to the phone on the table. The poofter had heard everything – that is, if he hadn't hung up before things got out of hand. The thought of it made him laugh out loud. "That's priceless, Love. Nice job."

"Do you think I should call him back? He was trying to tell me something."

"Got an idea what that was about," Spike stated as he nibbled her ear.

"Oh yeah? Wanna share?"

"Not at the moment, Pet," he replied. "Maybe later. After."

She smiled, allowing him to lower her back to the floor. They quickly became lost in their actions and didn't hear the door open or close.

"Oh my god!" Xander shouted upon hearing Buffy's moans. "Giles quick, get a weapon, something's attacking Buffy!" After he rounded the corner into the lounge room, he stopped dead in his tracks and added, "A very naked Buffy."

Giles, Willow and Dawn hurried into the lounge room, but they too froze as soon as they saw what was going on. Then they saw him.

"Shit!" Buffy squeaked, pushing Spike off her and grabbing the blanket to cover up the two of them as much as possible. She looked up in time to see four pairs of eyes staring at her and Spike, mouths agape. Too late. Her sister was going to be scarred for life, not to mention Giles as well. She steeled herself, waiting for them to start yelling at her.

No one said anything for what felt like hours. Finally, Dawn stepped forward. "Sp-Spike? Is that you?"

He grinned at her, one that was reserved only for his Bit and one that he hadn't been able to give her in a very long time. "It's me Niblet."

Dawn brought her hands to her face as the tears started to flow for the second time that night. Suddenly she ran to the other side of the room and threw her arms around him, hugging him fiercely and then turning to her sister and hugging her as well. "Merry Christmas, Buffy. I never thought my wish would come true."

The End


End file.
